The War Within

From YouTube's automatic captions, so a few words may be wrong.

00:01 Welcome back to the Body by Phil podcast. This is Phil. In today's episode, I'd like to entitle the war within. And what that means to me, if you've been following these podcasts at all, you'll you'll know that for most of my adult life, I suffered from obesity. I suffered from alcohol and substance abuse for just so many years. And it became such a a dark and lonely place for me with really no no thought of ever really

00:32 being able to come out of that. I think I felt I was so far gone this late in my life in my um that there was just really no way things were going to ever really turn around for me. And it was a very bad feeling of hopelessness and and just self-deeat. I mean just absolutely felt defeated. This war within would hit me at certain stages where I would have these moments where I really wanted to change and I would, you know, this war within was

01:04 silent. This was something I never spoke about. Not really, but I would feel it often. I'm a movie buff. I absolutely love movies and and I would immerse myself in them and get lost in them. And normally they were some sort of inspirational movie. ironically uh in the state of my life you know where I was absolutely not inspired by many things but I would find hope and motivation through through movies a lot of times and for an example say I was in

01:35 a theater and remember I tipp the scale well over 300 lb. So, I'd be sitting in my seat and eating my candy and popcorn and pop and everything else. And I I would watch this iconic figure or this hero that I was cheering for. Usually, some sort of an underdog story. I'm going to use any of the Rocky movies would be a perfect example. I've seen all of these movies hundreds of times. And I would I would look at these these characters, you know, and I would see this underdog go through these battles

02:05 and and fall down and lose, but yet he wouldn't stay down. You know, he would get up and he would fight and then you'd hear that music pumping in the background and your heart starts going and you start feeling that motivation and and you think, "Wow." and you you cheer for your hero and and he ultimately wins and he triumphs over all the things that were beating him down and everybody I don't care who you are when you walk out of that theater you feel revived and you feel energetic and you have a sense of hope you know and

02:38 you know you want to you want to you want to change your ways and man I can do this right maybe you give it a shot you know and you try and then you fail and that was my pattern for forever Ultimately, no matter how inspired a movie or a thought would get me, it wasn't enough or I didn't have the knowledge to to take the further steps to really really push myself to become um a better version of me. So all the things that were keeping me super

03:09 unhappy, uh, I was fueling those with more bad choices rather than the more positive ones that I would see on the screen, you know, and that's that war within would would come all the time. I would sit on my couch, you know, and I'd I'd be watching the news or watching TV and I was so uncomfortable just sitting there with my enlarged stomach and and the the pains and the aches that are associated with that, the lethargic feeling, you know, where you want you you can't even move, you know, things

03:40 are just, you know, winded, you know, you try to move and and you can't breathe or uh I so I used sit there and I would have this this battle in my mind, okay, you know, I need I need to change. I need to do something. Uh so the first thing it would come to is okay, I don't have a lot of money, so I'm not going to be able to go to a gym or I'm not going to, you know, be able to hire a trainer, so I'm going to it's going to be ultimately up to me. I'm going to do this. So I would get on the floor and start doing a couple of

04:11 crunches, you know, and and then get up and go eat a sandwich, you know. So that war and then you're back to square one, you know, or I would drink another case of beer and then try to run outside and when I could barely walk. So, you know, that's not going to work. You make it, you know, a couple hundred feet and then you're gassed. You can't work. You can't run. Your knees hurt. Your ankles hurt. It's just back and then back to square one, you know, and this this war of I I want to

04:43 get myself better. I'm going to give it some sort of halfhearted attempt. Not really put everything into it, not change anything about my lifestyle, but expect to raise that belt in the air as a champion like I just witnessed in this film, but without really having the heart and and the desire for the real change and the real commitment. Why? Why does do we do this? You know, and I think this resonates with a lot of

05:14 people because I think we do it. We all do it. We want something. We say we want it. We may even feel wholeheartedly that we want it. But two things happen. Number one, I I think we don't know how to do it properly and afraid. We're afraid to admit to oursel that we need help, that we may not be able to do this on our own. Maybe we need to reach out to somebody to help give us that little push in the right

05:47 direction. I mean, even Rocky had a trainer and you know, he even he had to be pushed. He couldn't do it on his own. So, this war within we debate far too long. Should I do this? How do I do this? I really my thing was I really wish I could be that version that I see in my mind that is raising the belt over his head or you know I I would visualize my fat self, my unhealthy self transforming into this a character on

06:20 screen. I would I would admire somebody for their physique and say, "Wow, this guy or this actor is my age and I can barely sit in this movie theater or get out of my recliner and here they are running up steps or climbing mountains and doing all this crazy stuff and I can't make it up to my bedroom without almost passing out or needing five hits off of my inhaler, you know?" So when the drive is there, okay, or at least that mental spark of change that you

06:51 want to have, what do you do next so that you don't just try and fail and try and fail with this internal war and conflict that you're going on? Take the time first to put a plan together. Don't just go into something and be prepared to fail. Don't set yourself up for that failure. Have a plan. So, my best advice to you when you feel that urge and that desire for real change and if if you felt it and you

07:24 thought, "Yeah, yeah, I've heard all this before. You know, I I've tried. I can't." I was you for 20 years. That's exactly what I did, exactly what I said until I really really dug deep within myself and knew that the time was now to change. And when that happens, you know, you just you feel it and you just know. What you have to be cautious with though is when you are ready for that change. If you don't have the appropriate plan

07:55 in place, you are setting yourself up for another disappointment. So get around people that have had success and have fought that internal war that we don't speak about often, but they'll know what you're talking about. Because if they had success, they know exactly what that war is all about. And help them, have them help you get out of your head and whatever that may be. Okay? I mean, if they're a trainer, if they were just

08:26 somebody who hired a trainer and now they have knowledge on how to do it, if they had struggled with diet, nutrition, and turned it all around, utilize other people's successes to help you get kickarted into your own journey. And there's safety in numbers. So, the more people you can surround yourself with that have had success with the goals that you're trying to reach, use that knowledge. used them. And if these people did struggle and come out of that

08:58 good and are healthier versions of themsel, they'll be happy to help you because they're going to know exactly where you're sitting and exactly what's going on in in your state of mind with that current struggle and war that you're fighting right now. So take that silence that you're carrying with you and that fire that you have in your mind and bring it out to the surface and get it out there and scream out for help if you need it. Don't try to do things on your own if if you're not ready to or you don't think you know how to do it. I

09:29 would it's better to try with somebody else than to try on your own and continue to fail and ultimately just give up. So reach out to me, subscribe to to this channel and hit me up with a comment if you need help in or getting kicked started in the right direction. Please do that because this is again why I put these podcasts together. Don't just suffer with that war within and keep it to yourself, right? Because that

10:01 battle will just continue going on forever and nothing will change in your life. So have the courage to say, "Okay, I've had enough. My current choices aren't working for me. I need help." Find people around you that are willing, able, and qualified to help you. And start that journey for real and do it. Do it right. Thanks for listening to Body by Phil.